Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
