i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
