Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I don't deserve a penis
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
