yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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