I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
this will be a night to untag.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Randomize