I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
