Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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