We won't sleep together?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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