Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Ladies don't puke and tell
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
