I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
