dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
