you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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