sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
