You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
