Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Randomize
