I want to stick my p in your. b.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
