we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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