I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
