she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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