And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
