I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize