get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
