what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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