I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
