no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
