i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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