I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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