Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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