you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize
