I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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