The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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