He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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