Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
