His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
