No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
3 2 1 whiskey
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
