Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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