he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
