I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
