see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
