i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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