eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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