He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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