God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
