I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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