Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
