Where did you get a picture of my penis
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
