One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
