You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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