tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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