Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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