there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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