My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
