i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
She tied me up with her honor cords...
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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