hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
