I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
