never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
