Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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