I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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