I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
