I got chris browned last night
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
