Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Randomize
