My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
