I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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